The Journey Within
"What's holding you back?"
That question always burned deeply into me, every single time someone was bold enough to ask it of me (even if it was me doing the asking).
Frustration bubbling to the surface.
Nope. Not at all. That's the nature of blind spots. You see, although you don't necessarily know what's holding you back, the truth of the matter is really simple...
It IS YOU holding yourself back, and no one but you can either tell you why, or do anything about it! Do you like playing small?
"Of course not! But it's fucking safe!"
Ahhh. Well spotted. But is it REALLY?
Thump, thump, thump... My heart beating loudly in my chest, not quite matching the rhythm of my foot steps.
It felt like an eternity before I was brave enough to mutter an answer to myself.
"Well, no. Not in the long run. Actually, not at all. Any idea I'm having of safety is an illusion.
It's not real, there's no truth or substance to it, and it doesn't serve anything but my ego.
I could die out here today, and nothing I'm holding onto in my head that feels safe could have any ability to change that."
This entire conversation played out inside of me somewhere between mile 60 and 80, the first time I ran 100 miles.
(If you haven't run 100 miles in one go before, then something you couldn't know, is that 50 miles is not the half way point. 70 miles is closer to that mark, because the last 30 miles takes more of everything you've got than the first 70 did).
I didn't know for the life of me when I toe'd the starting line that I was about to embark on a Medicine Journey, or that I was going to be doing deep, internal Shadow Work over the next 30 hours. I didn't know I'd be calling all of my demons to the surface and facing them, one by one.
I mean, I knew it wasn't going to be fun the entire way, but I didn't have any idea I'd end up a screaming heap, working just as hard to maintain my sanity and grip on reality as I was working to finish the damn race!
You see, what I've come to realize after running many long ultramarathons is that each time we go out, we go in...
In order to finish a race like that, you have to dig deep to find reserves of strength, courage and fortitude you didn't know you had (remember what I just shared right here, it's important).
But once you're in there, you also find the darkness. You find the doubt and the fear. You find all the things you've buried long ago, and hidden within yourself underneath layers of protection, so as to not face them or reveal them.
You spend your time pretending your good, even though you're not.
This is why I'm so committed to the Primal Way and the Journey to Re-Wild the self.
It takes big action to get that deep within yourself, and it's really easy to take big action when you're surrounded by the elemental forces of the world.
That's also why you've likely removed yourself from them... You've dedicated yourself to chasing comfort, because you're hiding things in the depths of yourself that you'd rather not face or reveal. And a part of you knows that to overcome such challenges, you would have to dig so deeply within yourself that you'd find and have to face those things.
But here's the thing:
You can voluntarily choose to go inside and face those things, or choose to keep hiding and pretending all is well, in which case they sit in there festering until they turn into dis-ease and end your Journey for you.
Only you get to decide!
Now, if you're still here, this is your official invite to a Mastermind I'm creating based on taking the Journey within.
It's always "easier" in a small group of badasses who are ready to take the ride.
But know this... There's no fence sitters welcome...
I discovered this work is very much akin to running 100 miles.
You're either all in, in which case you'll succeed;
You'll find and face all of those things within yourself, set yourself free, and live an amazing, beautiful life.
Or your only "paperweight committed". In which case, nothing will change in your life, and you'll keep getting what you're getting right now (for a while, anyway. Then you'll be forced to change, one way or another).
Hit me up when you know you're ready to stop holding yourself back.