The Biggest Block to the Creative Process in Life
Up to my ears in problems!
That's how it has felt ever since I moved into the RV and started life on the road.
Honestly, it has felt as though I haven't had a chance to relax and enjoy the lifestyle changes because I've been so busy playing defense against a motorhome that is determined to test my mechanical, plumbing and electrical skills to the utmost at every opportunity it gets!
Water leaking everywhere from pipes that had been damaged from too high pressure from the hookup at the park we're staying in right now. A damaged water pump with no one in the nearby town apparently keeping them in stock.
Me feeling entirely snowed under from the buildup of stress of so much not working the way I expect it should, that I finally snapped...
And then after hours of troubleshooting, two trips to town, arguing with counter staff in the Tractor Supply Store, I got it all sorted (kind of) and sat down for a fire and a meal.
Sitting by the fire, I had a powerful realization about stress, survival and the Creative Process.
You know, not once since hitting the road have I turned to my creativity... I haven't made a drum even though I'm surrounded with materials (and I have some amazing Crepe Myrtle wood I collected for a frame right now), I haven't done any leatherwork, and even my daily Qigong practice (which is an expression of creativity in movement) has been neglected.
I've been sleeping until 8am each day because of a fear and fatigue of what hardships the day will bring, and I realized by the fire that I've been hijacked!
My nervous system has been hijacked by the expectation of hardship, and that has had me playing defense, reactive, cut-off and in survival mode.
THERE IS NO CREATIVE PROCESS IN SURVIVAL MODE!!!
Our brain isn't wired to permit a creative approach to a problem when we are standing in survival mode, because it still operates from a primitive model, and in the primal world, only what works is permitted.
We don't have the ability to entertain a creative new way of doing things when our lives depend on it. Our brain will ONLY allow us to follow known neural pathways to proven results.
Now, step out of the primal world and into the modern, current one.
We are still operating in defense, from hijacked nervous systems because of the stress and trauma we've never put down.
It is stored within us, and chooses our MO for us on a daily basis.
That's what I realized when sitting by the fire last night.
We cannot entertain a Creative Process in life whilst we're operating from identities forged in trauma, and the thing is, unless you have SPECIFICALLY done trauma work surrounding your Journey thus far, then you ARE operating from an identity forged in trauma.
13 year old C Jon gets super frustrated when shit doesn't work the way it's meant to because he feels powerless over life.
43 year old C Jon then gets pissed because he recognizes that struggle is NOT his natural state, Flow is, and he is struggling because 13 year old C Jon is driving the car.
This is so powerful to understand because it ALL comes back to one thing... C JON! There's nothing else causing the "problems", and there's nothing else able to find the Flow.
It all seems really confusing and a little overwhelming, right?
Good thing there's a map!
The kind of success we're aiming for here (full Creative Expression in life) leaves clues, and when we know what to look for, it becomes a really intuitive process.
Now, if you're still reading, answer me this: Where are you finding yourself reactive, playing defense and operating from a hijacked nervous system in your day to day life?